Sorry guys, I missed the mark today :-( I finished the ready room scene but even though I double-timed the one after it, it's still not done (well, the character animations are, but the backgrounds are missing). Just to give everyone an idea what's coming up:
-scene in Reyf's ready room (very short)
-a procedural scene with some cool eye candy
-a montage sequence set aboard the ISS Voyager (toldja we were going to start seeing Garr's Cool Starship a little more)
-a return to the Fitzgerald at the planet for a Science Marches On scene, followed closely by a scene showing that Garr is a Card-Carrying Villain
By the way, remember a while back when I was building the bridge of the ISS Voyager and it was really dark? I kept saying it "just made sense" but I couldn't really figure out why. But now, whenever you ask why the interiors of the ISS Voyager are so dark, just say to yourself: Evil is Not Well Lit 8)
Part 5 is uploading as we speak, and Part 6 is in the queue right behind it.
Part 5 picks up in the early moments of the turbolift scene, then takes us through the scene in Main Engineering, followed by Reyf's consult with Counselor Troi (which ends on a new exterior shot of the Fitzgerald). Then, cue "Garr's Nightmare," and then the first half of the scene in Reyf's ready room.
Part 6 continues the scene in Reyf's ready room (the better half of the scene if you ask me, including another Frankenstein reference). There's some EXCELLENT character moments between Reyf and Prentice in this scene.
Then, it's down to Beta Reticuli for a look inside Garr's hidden lab, where we learn some more information that only confuses us more.
After that, the first part of a music-montage scene set aboard the ISS Voyager (this part is still under development but I wanted to at least stick in what I've got). Trivia to follow in a separate post.
Trivia for everything through the nightmare sequence you guys already have, so I won't bore you a second time.
Trivia about Part 5:
-the scene with Troi serves a similar purpose to the scene from "Star Trek Generations" in which Picard visits Guinan and learns important facts about Dr. Tolian Soran. In this case, Troi's insights based on Reyf's accounting of Garr's personality foreshadow some things to come about Reyf's next encounter with Garr.
-the exterior shot of the Fitzgerald that follows Reyf's exit is a close recreation of a similar shot from "Star Trek: First Contact," of the Enterprise-E in orbit of Earth (the shot in question immediately precedes the discussion in Main Engineering about the Enterprise's environmental system having "gone crazy"). In both this shot of the Fitzgerald and the one before it, the "hero" model of the ship (the CGI equivalent of the 6-foot shooting model from the TV series) is used.
-the purpose of the nightmare sequence is to begin sewing doubts in the minds of the audience about Garr's nature; it's at this point that viewers are meant to think back to the discussion about Frankenstein between Reyf and Falwell back at Deep Space Nine
-the music track heard during the nightmare sequence is "Not Enough Time," from the commercial soundtrack release of "Star Trek Voyager: The Caretaker"
-the exterior shot of the Fitzgerald in orbit of Beta Reticuli that follows the nightmare sequence is an appearance by the modified "USS Horizon," the CG equivalent of the 4-foot shooting model from the TV series
-the scene immediately after the nightmare sequence marks the first appearance of Reyf's ready room. Like other USS Fitzgerald sets, this one melds elements from the TV series, "Star Trek: Generations," and from Star Trek Voyager. The overall design is accurate to the TV series, but the larger window comes from Generations. The lighting scheme was inspired by Picard's ready room from "Nemesis." Instead of the TNG "cobra head" desk terminal Picard used, Reyf's desk sports a VOY-style computer terminal. The gold starship model against the wall is a refitted Constitution-class starship, whose significance was to have been expanded in a deleted flashback sequence near the end of the film. And note the impliments on the shelf behind Reyf's desk: a blue quartz crystal, a 23rd century science tricorder, and an antique clock. In the reverse-angle shot, note that the picture on the wall over the couch; the photo is a matte painting of Bajor.
-this scene contains another blooper: in the first two shots, notice the silver holder on Reyf's desk, with two red circuit boards in it (each of which contains a silver cutaway diagram of the Fitzgerald). This circuit holder will appear and disappear throughout the scene.
-though it's essentially treated as a given by the characters, the fact of the sensor scans of the ISS Voyager--presumed to have been very thorough--being unavailable is actually a very important plot element to establish. This prevents a Star Wars-type scenario, in which a tiny vulnerability proves to be the undoing of the moon-sized Death Star
-like the earlier scene in Reyf's quarters, this scene serves to display the bond between Reyf and Prentice
Trivia about Part 6:
-the ready room scene serves to show Reyf's growing discomfort with their mission. Originally, Reyf's choice to share with Prentice hs personal involvement with Garr was the result of Troi's encouragement; that element was removed as it was felt that Reyf should have the courage to (eventually) share this information on his own
-note that when Prentice first asks if there's a problem, Reyf deflects the question; this echoes many similar exchanges between Picard and Riker, in which Picard put on a strong front despite whatever emotions he was feeling at the time
-this scene reveals the exact nature of the 15-year friendship that exists between Reyf and Garr, but exactly how to justify Reyf's seemingly unwavering loyalty to his friend became a subject of repeated rewrites of this scene. Eventually, the choice to have that bond originate in a tragic family loss won out. Early drafts of this scene had the roles reversed, with Garr having suffered the loss and Reyf stepping up to look after him--however those were switched to give Reyf some understanding of the effects of a grave personal loss.
-Once the decision was made to have Reyf and Garr's friendship begin with a tragic family loss, the writers then had to choose exactly how that loss would come about. Initially, Reyf was to have lost his wife in a shuttle accident, however that was deemed too similar to an evolving plotline involving Garr and was nixed. The writers eventually settled on Wolf 359 as something fans were already familiar with, and which wouldn't require a lot of screen time to explain.
-Prentice's line, "And here you are, leading a mob of angry villagers armed with torches and pitchforks" is a direct reference to the novel Frankenstein, specifically a scene in which the angry villagers storm the castle to find the monster and destroy it. The phrasing of the line is a deliberate move to evoke the earlier conversation about the same novel between Reyf and Falwell
-the montage sequence of Garr's lab powering up features a cameo appearance by the Dimensional Portal Room, from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon (from which the ambient sound of the lab also originates)
-the music montage sequence that ends the clip is set to "Pretend We're Dead" by L7; the song was specifically chosen because it echoes Garr's five-year disappearance, prior to which he'd faked his death so as to work undisturbed. This short sequence is meant to be a respite from the storyline, and will be the last light-hearted scene we have with Garr.
Cool stuff! Can't wait to see the (finished) story translated to either DVD / VHS. A "Trek" story with a half-decent soundtrack. *L* But where's the rest of Garr's co-conspirators? He couldn't have built the base, a prototype android, an entire (and heavily modified) Intrepid-Class starship all on his own. Garr was out of the picture for five years, but still, he had to have had help keeping Starfleet's friends/enemies from accidentally scanning / stumbling over his ship & base on routine expeditions, classified & otherwise.
Man, i saw the part 6 and i love the music on the end with voyager...that was amaizing...If i change something, when garr is going out from the turbolift i wish to see on his face some kind of devil sarcastic smile... Again you suprise me....
instead of doing an insane amount of scene trivia, when you get everything properly recorded and completed, i would suggest a "behind the scenes" animated video, where the poser "actors" explain their roles, voiced by the real voice actors.
He couldn't have built the base, a prototype android, an entire (and heavily modified) Intrepid-Class starship all on his own. Garr was out of the picture for five years, but still, he had to have had help keeping Starfleet's friends/enemies from accidentally scanning / stumbling over his ship & base on routine expeditions, classified & otherwise.
I can only answer that by saying we're going to chat with Data about this very question. And very soon after that, we're going to talk to a Klingon ambassador.
Don't get used to the Voyager credits--I've decided the entire title sequence is in for a ReWrite. (But the scenes in 2370 are still going to be split in two by the title sequence)
Also, I promise I haven't forgotten about you guys. We're at another stopdown--up until now I've been avoiding the task of building Garr's Phlebotinum-poweredMacGuffin machine. But, the point of the music-montage sequence is to show Garr reveling in having completed this machine, and we do get a peek at it before the scene ends.
But, I can't show it if it hasn't been built. So, gotta build it Sad as it is, this thing has no predetermined form (the script only says it's "a cacaphony of glass tubes and exotic-looking components" sitting in Voyager's cargo bay, with a "serious-looking emitter at one end"). Originally I was leaning towards shaping it as a "generator"-type device (something cylindrical sitting on the floor). That didn't work--then came the "weapon" idea, giving it all kinds of nasty-looking sharp edges, which also didn't work. Idea #3, shaping a bunch of random greebles into something vaguely resembling the shape of the ISS Voyager itself also had terrible results.
I think I've come up with an approach that will work better, but we'll have to see. (And if anyone's got some suggestions about what type of gadget the phrase "time machine" brings to your mind, I'm all ears!)
Hmmm...I was thinking Garr's device would more or less a modified slipstream device aboard the Dauntless, & scanned into the computer core by Torres' engineering tricorder aboard Voyager. Garr combined the device with everything Starfleet Science has since learned about both the Iconian Gateway Picard n' Data encountered & The Guardian of Forever's ability to gate to anywhere/anytime.
Perhaps something Borg-looking as Garr seems to be borrowing all kinds of things 'sinister'. Or perhaps something that's been quarantined since "Star Trek: TMP" or "Star Trek: Enterprise". The CoE had no idea what they'd salvaged, tagged, and warehoused at Utopia Planetia's classified bunkers under the terraformed communities to spring-up later, from the Borg wreckage in the Antarctic or from a shot-down B.O.P. from The Earth-Romulan War.
A "do over" device in the event there was a catastrophic failure in the chain of command but it wasn't so altogether annihilated enough that a CoE team couldn't figure out the majority of it. Centuries later, Garr's found the rosetta stone necessary to make the ruins of the Romulan Temporal Deflector make sense.
A Romulan version of the U.S.S. Premonition's "TEMPORAL DEFLECTOR". They've learned their own lessons from Wolf 359 & their own classified "Fact Finding" missions versus The Collective since The Earth-Romulan War.
Don't get used to the Voyager credits--I've decided the entire title sequence is in for a ReWrite. (But the scenes in 2370 are still going to be split in two by the title sequence)
I would suggest keeping it all before the title sequence, it fits better in how a cold-open usually works. And to be honest, nothing about the first scene end suggests the drama to necessitate a split - it seems to be more of a continuation. the audience does not know Garr, so having him apparently die is curious, but not shocking. Having a 5 year split seems more in line. my $0.02, lol
(And if anyone's got some suggestions about what type of gadget the phrase "time machine" brings to your mind, I'm all ears!)
While I'm busy with the chores of building Garr's temporal device, I've posted some different versions of "Garr's Emotions" (the music-montage sequence that ends the most recent clip to be posted on YouTube). Originally the song by L7 had seemed like the correct choice from the get-go, but the more I thought about it the less fitting it seemed. So I decided to try out a few others and see which one you guys like best.
The choices are:
1. "Pretend We're Dead," by L7
2. "Blue (Da Ba Dee)," by Eiffel 65
3. "Forever," by Chris Brown
4. "Turn Turn Turn," by The Byrds
5. "Wherever You Will Go," by The Calling
Genre Savvy individuals will say on sight alone that "Wherever You Will Go" wins by default, by the fact that early promos for "Star Trek: Enterprise" featured it. In this case, a certain amount of Genre Blindness is acceptable; this whole scene is kind of an Out of Genre Experience when you think about it, since Star Trek never really did a Music Montage like this.
To me, each of the tracks above has a different connotation with it:
1. "Pretend We're Dead:" a kind of Meanwhile Back at the... feel to it, just giving us a look at what Garr's up to without really assigning any emotional significance to it; it's covered by the Rule of Cool (specifically, this is an Evil is Cool moment) but to me it feels weak (but, when you think about it, the lurics "Pretend we're dead" is a nice touch to Garr's five-year disappearance)
2. "Blue (Da Ba Dee):" the surreal nature of the vocals coupled with the eerie synchronization of Garr's footsteps with the beat changes this simple sequence into a Montage of Madness, giving us a glimpse of Garr's thinking and posturing, as we see what looks first like gloating (on the bridge), and then fierce determination (in the turbolift), and finally smugness (in the corridors) on Garr's face. Then again, talking about the "blue corvette" seems appropriate given the hull color of the ISS Voyager
3. "Forever:" unequivocally changes this into a Lost Love Montage, giving us a hint of what Garr's thinking that might prompt everything we've seen (and have yet to see); as before, Garr's footsteps are synchronized with the beat, but this time it comes across purely as an Evil is Cool moment); the drawback to this song is that it feels very "old" compared to our 24th century setting (but, so do Garr's gold-rimmed glasses; is this covered by the rule of Willing Suspension of Disbelief?)
4. "Turn Turn Turn:" this song just gives this scene the feel of a Gonna Fly Now Montage, a more uplifting scene showing the Big Bad gearing up for something, while at the same time describing some of his thought processes (the various "a time to..." phrases, for instance) to the audience; at the very least, this song makes the scene a Time Passes Montage, and is one of the stronger choices I think
5. "Wherever You Will Go:" this one goes even farther than "Forever" in turning this scene into a Lost Love Montage"]Lost Love Montage[/URL], changing Garr from a "You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry" villain to a "Love Makes You Crazy" villain, which hopefully forces the audience to think back to the discussion about Frankenstein at the beginning of the film (with this song, we start to see another side to Garr, and suddenly the discovery of that android might begin to make sense); but I worry it might be too much of a Cliche Storm
I wouldn't go there, for any of them. Look further back into the 80's for better selections. The 80's had some great angry / wistful / emotionally-charged / expressive songs.
Instrumental songs (ie: "Crockett's Theme") by Jan Hammer or The Alan Parsons Project (ie: "Mammagamma", "Don't Answer Me"). There's other (indie) songs (again, instrumental) out there such as "Memories Of Atlantis" by Gustav Grefberg.
Well, I've decided to simply let our peek of the time device be all that we get--a single rack-focused lightning tube in the foreground is all we're going to see for now. We hold on Garr's face as the shifting blue light plays over his face, and then it's back to the Fitzgerald.
And for a tease on the scene, have a look at this:
I was wondering why you didn't just go with a modified cloaking device (for your time travel technology,) or a modified Pegasus Device, with some visually minor details added to add up to a "Temporal Deflector"? Simply explain it was modified Borg-Romulan tetrion / chrronoton-based manipulation technology, with a smattering of Iconian and Krenim technology thrown in.
I’ve been a “lurker” on this board for years. I’ve never posted. That your project has prompted me to post says a lot about its impact on me. I am very impressed, and hope you don’t take the following too personally.
One of the most painful experiences a writer faces is when the director cuts one of your favorite moments from a scene (or scene from the film.) I’ve had this happen to me many times, and it hurts. However, with the abundance of “deleted scenes” found on most all DVDs today, I can almost always spot the writer’s “favorite” that was cut, and can agree that it did nothing to move the story.
Billy Wilder (one of the all-time great screen writers) would write very long and in-depth scenes, only to chop off the beginnings and ends to leave only the “meat.” This serves to keep the story moving, and leaves the audience working to “fill in the blanks”.
While I hate “cookie cutter” films (ones that follow the formula too exactly) I have to recognize that one part of the formula cannot be ignored. That is the introduction of the central question.
The central question must be asked somewhere between 7 and 12 minutes. Too soon, and the audience has not had time to invest in the characters, and thus will not care about the central question. Too late, and the audience has lost interest. Your central question is not introduced until almost 17 minutes in. While those five minutes may seem trivial, they are not.
This doesn’t require another rewrite. I know you’ve had several already. Most of this can be accomplished by simply moving scenes during the editing process. Shorten the teaser by not exposing Reyf’s involvement.
I know you’re screaming right now, but give me a minute to explain. This change will also prevent “spoon feeding” the audience. In the shuttle, Garret’s discussing Reyf’s odd behavior can serve to reflect the audience’s feelings. If we don’t’ know the relationship between Reyf and Garr, we will enjoy hearing Garret voicing our own thoughts. The background can be exposed as the story progresses through flash-backs and dialog. During the initial communication from Mellis II have Chellik make reference to Reyf needing to overcome his conflict, but don’t tell the audience what that conflict is. 40 minutes in the First Officer hears the conflict for the first time. It would be great if it were our first time as well, but only a taste. Expose more at the 46 minute mark with the conversation with Counselor Troy. These can be “a-ha” moments instead of simply rehashing what we already know. I’m sure you’ve got more back story up your sleeve, just don’t be in too big a rush to let us know. Make us work for it.
Now for the things I LOVED:
The shot in the Mess Hall illuminated only by the shuttle’s spot lights! Wow! Beautifully creepy !
The dynamic camera moves. I’ve always felt that trek has been too static. I love to travel around the scenes with that amount of kinetic energy.
The story itself. It’s fresh and truly reflective of the core concept of Sci-Fi… to explore the human condition. Bravo!
dwf088: I don't have time to make a proper reply at this time, but I will say that I'm honored my work was enough to "draw you out of hiding." You're right in what you say--I'll post a more thorough reply a little later on.
dwf088: sorry for the "hit and run" reply earlier, but as I said you're dead-on in what you say. I was indeed screaming, but only because you confirmed something I've been agonizing over for weeks.
By "the central question," can I assume you're referring to the communication with Mellis II? If so then that's easy to fix--the "corridor walk" scene with Reyf and Falwell can easily be trimmed in length, as can the exchange with Prentice thereafter, along with the comlink exchange itself. And I like your way of rewording things better than what's there now--I can still keep the replay of the surveillance recording, but this way Reyf's stunned reaction and Chellik's cryptic statement "I understand the position this puts you in, but you're the only one who stands a chance at stopping him" and so forth are the only hints we get.
And it's interesting you should mention the exchange in the shuttle and such, hinting to the audience what the problem is without really revealing it until the ready room scene; later rewrites of the script were meant to do exactly this, start slowly filling in the gaps about their history and involvement.
I'm leery of moving the conversation with Troi though, the flow of that plus Garr's nightmare plus the conversation with Prentice are meant to start building towards Reyf's ultimate "Oh ****!" moment: first, when we chat with Troi, we realize that Garr's suddenly acting differently than Reyf remembers, and that part of the reason is he envies Reyf's normal life (but why?); then, we see his nightmare, which can be interpreted any number of ways; and then immediately after that, we find out why Reyf is so loyal to Garr and why Chellik was so concerned earlier.
See what you think of things to come (here there be big spoilers so highlight to see):
After the exchange between Prentice and Erickson down in Garr's lab, we pay a quick visit to the ISS Voyager and see Garr's obvious glee at his successful escape, and then we go down to the cargo bay with him to inspect a machine there.
Then, back to the Fitzgerald we go, where we go down to Data's guest quarters on Deck 16 for Reyf to ask about his progress in figuring out what Garr wants with the stolen equipment. That's when we learn that none of the sixteen thousand plus combinations the android has examined yields a functional device; Reyf then asks the very question some have posed here, about how Garr could've managed to construct an entire starship (with custom-made modifications), a hidden research complex, and a super-advanced android, all by himself, in only five years, and all without attracting attention from seemingly anyone, even in a remote and deserted system. Data offers his theory, and Reyf leaves him to investigate it.
Then, we listen in as Reyf's attempt to warn the Klingon sector commander goes awry (read: short but funny scene with some classic Klingon blustering). Then, down to sickbay, where we learn something important about the android; but before we can really process it, a distress signal comes in from a starship a light-year or so away.
I don't want to go any farther ahead than that, but that gives you a preview into the next twelve minutes anyway. We're only going to get snippets of exposure to Garr himself, an effort to preserve the mystique of his character. And yes, there's a lot more we don't know about Garr's and the android, and how Reyf ties in (shortly after we stumble across the hulk of the dead starship, someone FINALLY gets the idea to run a facial-recognition search to figure out who she is).
At fifty-three minutes, we're only about halfway through the movie and there's plenty of story left to tell. We're going to keep getting hints about the backstory right up until Reyf has his "Eureka!" moment, at which point everything's going to fall into place.
(And if the story so far has a "I think I've read this before" feel to it, revisit the first scene aboard the Fitzgerald as Reyf and Falwell leave the holodeck, and then recall Prentice's line about "a mob of villagers armed with torches and pitchforks")
So what your saying, Garr is Dr Frankenstien, Reyff is Igor, and the android is Mel Brooks??
My guess is that the android is a dud, a decoy or prototype meant to convince reyf that they managed to prevent garr from doing his dastardly deed while hes out and about doing it. Or it has not been "programmed" yet, and when garr broadcasts a secret code or something, the android does something evil or beams away.
The android creation makes me think of Rayna from TOS's "Requiem for Methusalah." Wonder if this sucker was built for the same reason.
Are the male voices for the female characters "fill-in" before the completed project? Just wondering. Although I do admit, back in the old days of theater, men did play women's parts. lol.
Posts
homerpalooza: this still too TNG-ish for you?
Hellsgate: hopefully another scene (or possibly three!) coming up late tomorrow.
TNG is one of best series ever..... I will be waiting for another scene..:)
-scene in Reyf's ready room (very short)
-a procedural scene with some cool eye candy
-a montage sequence set aboard the ISS Voyager (toldja we were going to start seeing Garr's Cool Starship a little more)
-a return to the Fitzgerald at the planet for a Science Marches On scene, followed closely by a scene showing that Garr is a Card-Carrying Villain
By the way, remember a while back when I was building the bridge of the ISS Voyager and it was really dark? I kept saying it "just made sense" but I couldn't really figure out why. But now, whenever you ask why the interiors of the ISS Voyager are so dark, just say to yourself: Evil is Not Well Lit 8)
Part 5 is uploading as we speak, and Part 6 is in the queue right behind it.
Part 5 picks up in the early moments of the turbolift scene, then takes us through the scene in Main Engineering, followed by Reyf's consult with Counselor Troi (which ends on a new exterior shot of the Fitzgerald). Then, cue "Garr's Nightmare," and then the first half of the scene in Reyf's ready room.
Part 6 continues the scene in Reyf's ready room (the better half of the scene if you ask me, including another Frankenstein reference). There's some EXCELLENT character moments between Reyf and Prentice in this scene.
Then, it's down to Beta Reticuli for a look inside Garr's hidden lab, where we learn some more information that only confuses us more.
After that, the first part of a music-montage scene set aboard the ISS Voyager (this part is still under development but I wanted to at least stick in what I've got). Trivia to follow in a separate post.
Part 6 is now uploading!
Trivia for everything through the nightmare sequence you guys already have, so I won't bore you a second time.
Trivia about Part 5:
-the scene with Troi serves a similar purpose to the scene from "Star Trek Generations" in which Picard visits Guinan and learns important facts about Dr. Tolian Soran. In this case, Troi's insights based on Reyf's accounting of Garr's personality foreshadow some things to come about Reyf's next encounter with Garr.
-the exterior shot of the Fitzgerald that follows Reyf's exit is a close recreation of a similar shot from "Star Trek: First Contact," of the Enterprise-E in orbit of Earth (the shot in question immediately precedes the discussion in Main Engineering about the Enterprise's environmental system having "gone crazy"). In both this shot of the Fitzgerald and the one before it, the "hero" model of the ship (the CGI equivalent of the 6-foot shooting model from the TV series) is used.
-the purpose of the nightmare sequence is to begin sewing doubts in the minds of the audience about Garr's nature; it's at this point that viewers are meant to think back to the discussion about Frankenstein between Reyf and Falwell back at Deep Space Nine
-the music track heard during the nightmare sequence is "Not Enough Time," from the commercial soundtrack release of "Star Trek Voyager: The Caretaker"
-the exterior shot of the Fitzgerald in orbit of Beta Reticuli that follows the nightmare sequence is an appearance by the modified "USS Horizon," the CG equivalent of the 4-foot shooting model from the TV series
-the scene immediately after the nightmare sequence marks the first appearance of Reyf's ready room. Like other USS Fitzgerald sets, this one melds elements from the TV series, "Star Trek: Generations," and from Star Trek Voyager. The overall design is accurate to the TV series, but the larger window comes from Generations. The lighting scheme was inspired by Picard's ready room from "Nemesis." Instead of the TNG "cobra head" desk terminal Picard used, Reyf's desk sports a VOY-style computer terminal. The gold starship model against the wall is a refitted Constitution-class starship, whose significance was to have been expanded in a deleted flashback sequence near the end of the film. And note the impliments on the shelf behind Reyf's desk: a blue quartz crystal, a 23rd century science tricorder, and an antique clock. In the reverse-angle shot, note that the picture on the wall over the couch; the photo is a matte painting of Bajor.
-this scene contains another blooper: in the first two shots, notice the silver holder on Reyf's desk, with two red circuit boards in it (each of which contains a silver cutaway diagram of the Fitzgerald). This circuit holder will appear and disappear throughout the scene.
-though it's essentially treated as a given by the characters, the fact of the sensor scans of the ISS Voyager--presumed to have been very thorough--being unavailable is actually a very important plot element to establish. This prevents a Star Wars-type scenario, in which a tiny vulnerability proves to be the undoing of the moon-sized Death Star
-like the earlier scene in Reyf's quarters, this scene serves to display the bond between Reyf and Prentice
Trivia about Part 6:
-the ready room scene serves to show Reyf's growing discomfort with their mission. Originally, Reyf's choice to share with Prentice hs personal involvement with Garr was the result of Troi's encouragement; that element was removed as it was felt that Reyf should have the courage to (eventually) share this information on his own
-note that when Prentice first asks if there's a problem, Reyf deflects the question; this echoes many similar exchanges between Picard and Riker, in which Picard put on a strong front despite whatever emotions he was feeling at the time
-this scene reveals the exact nature of the 15-year friendship that exists between Reyf and Garr, but exactly how to justify Reyf's seemingly unwavering loyalty to his friend became a subject of repeated rewrites of this scene. Eventually, the choice to have that bond originate in a tragic family loss won out. Early drafts of this scene had the roles reversed, with Garr having suffered the loss and Reyf stepping up to look after him--however those were switched to give Reyf some understanding of the effects of a grave personal loss.
-Once the decision was made to have Reyf and Garr's friendship begin with a tragic family loss, the writers then had to choose exactly how that loss would come about. Initially, Reyf was to have lost his wife in a shuttle accident, however that was deemed too similar to an evolving plotline involving Garr and was nixed. The writers eventually settled on Wolf 359 as something fans were already familiar with, and which wouldn't require a lot of screen time to explain.
-Prentice's line, "And here you are, leading a mob of angry villagers armed with torches and pitchforks" is a direct reference to the novel Frankenstein, specifically a scene in which the angry villagers storm the castle to find the monster and destroy it. The phrasing of the line is a deliberate move to evoke the earlier conversation about the same novel between Reyf and Falwell
-the montage sequence of Garr's lab powering up features a cameo appearance by the Dimensional Portal Room, from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon (from which the ambient sound of the lab also originates)
-the music montage sequence that ends the clip is set to "Pretend We're Dead" by L7; the song was specifically chosen because it echoes Garr's five-year disappearance, prior to which he'd faked his death so as to work undisturbed. This short sequence is meant to be a respite from the storyline, and will be the last light-hearted scene we have with Garr.
I can definitively say that Garr acted very much alone.
I can only answer that by saying we're going to chat with Data about this very question. And very soon after that, we're going to talk to a Klingon ambassador.
Also, I promise I haven't forgotten about you guys. We're at another stopdown--up until now I've been avoiding the task of building Garr's Phlebotinum-powered MacGuffin machine. But, the point of the music-montage sequence is to show Garr reveling in having completed this machine, and we do get a peek at it before the scene ends.
But, I can't show it if it hasn't been built. So, gotta build it
I think I've come up with an approach that will work better, but we'll have to see. (And if anyone's got some suggestions about what type of gadget the phrase "time machine" brings to your mind, I'm all ears!)
Perhaps something Borg-looking as Garr seems to be borrowing all kinds of things 'sinister'. Or perhaps something that's been quarantined since "Star Trek: TMP" or "Star Trek: Enterprise". The CoE had no idea what they'd salvaged, tagged, and warehoused at Utopia Planetia's classified bunkers under the terraformed communities to spring-up later, from the Borg wreckage in the Antarctic or from a shot-down B.O.P. from The Earth-Romulan War.
A "do over" device in the event there was a catastrophic failure in the chain of command but it wasn't so altogether annihilated enough that a CoE team couldn't figure out the majority of it. Centuries later, Garr's found the rosetta stone necessary to make the ruins of the Romulan Temporal Deflector make sense.
A Romulan version of the U.S.S. Premonition's "TEMPORAL DEFLECTOR". They've learned their own lessons from Wolf 359 & their own classified "Fact Finding" missions versus The Collective since The Earth-Romulan War.
While I'm busy with the chores of building Garr's temporal device, I've posted some different versions of "Garr's Emotions" (the music-montage sequence that ends the most recent clip to be posted on YouTube). Originally the song by L7 had seemed like the correct choice from the get-go, but the more I thought about it the less fitting it seemed. So I decided to try out a few others and see which one you guys like best.
The choices are:
1. "Pretend We're Dead," by L7
2. "Blue (Da Ba Dee)," by Eiffel 65
3. "Forever," by Chris Brown
4. "Turn Turn Turn," by The Byrds
5. "Wherever You Will Go," by The Calling
Genre Savvy individuals will say on sight alone that "Wherever You Will Go" wins by default, by the fact that early promos for "Star Trek: Enterprise" featured it. In this case, a certain amount of Genre Blindness is acceptable; this whole scene is kind of an Out of Genre Experience when you think about it, since Star Trek never really did a Music Montage like this.
To me, each of the tracks above has a different connotation with it:
1. "Pretend We're Dead:" a kind of Meanwhile Back at the... feel to it, just giving us a look at what Garr's up to without really assigning any emotional significance to it; it's covered by the Rule of Cool (specifically, this is an Evil is Cool moment) but to me it feels weak (but, when you think about it, the lurics "Pretend we're dead" is a nice touch to Garr's five-year disappearance)
2. "Blue (Da Ba Dee):" the surreal nature of the vocals coupled with the eerie synchronization of Garr's footsteps with the beat changes this simple sequence into a Montage of Madness, giving us a glimpse of Garr's thinking and posturing, as we see what looks first like gloating (on the bridge), and then fierce determination (in the turbolift), and finally smugness (in the corridors) on Garr's face. Then again, talking about the "blue corvette" seems appropriate given the hull color of the ISS Voyager
3. "Forever:" unequivocally changes this into a Lost Love Montage, giving us a hint of what Garr's thinking that might prompt everything we've seen (and have yet to see); as before, Garr's footsteps are synchronized with the beat, but this time it comes across purely as an Evil is Cool moment); the drawback to this song is that it feels very "old" compared to our 24th century setting (but, so do Garr's gold-rimmed glasses; is this covered by the rule of Willing Suspension of Disbelief?)
4. "Turn Turn Turn:" this song just gives this scene the feel of a Gonna Fly Now Montage, a more uplifting scene showing the Big Bad gearing up for something, while at the same time describing some of his thought processes (the various "a time to..." phrases, for instance) to the audience; at the very least, this song makes the scene a Time Passes Montage, and is one of the stronger choices I think
5. "Wherever You Will Go:" this one goes even farther than "Forever" in turning this scene into a Lost Love Montage"]Lost Love Montage[/URL], changing Garr from a "You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry" villain to a "Love Makes You Crazy" villain, which hopefully forces the audience to think back to the discussion about Frankenstein at the beginning of the film (with this song, we start to see another side to Garr, and suddenly the discovery of that android might begin to make sense); but I worry it might be too much of a Cliche Storm
There you have it--what do you guys think?
Instrumental songs (ie: "Crockett's Theme") by Jan Hammer or The Alan Parsons Project (ie: "Mammagamma", "Don't Answer Me"). There's other (indie) songs (again, instrumental) out there such as "Memories Of Atlantis" by Gustav Grefberg.
"Crockett's Theme" - Jan Hammer:
YouTube - Jan Hammer - Crockett's Theme
"Rain" - Jan Hammer:
YouTube - JAN HAMMER - "RAIN" EXTENDED VERSION by Peter Guja
"Tubbs & Valerie" - Jan Hammer
YouTube - JAN HAMMER - TUBBS AND VALERIE EXTENDED VERSION
"Knight Rider 2000" - Jan Hammer
YouTube - Jan Hammer - Knight Rider 2000
K.R. 2000 (Remixed):
YouTube - Sonic Dilerium - Knight Rider 2000 ( ReMix )
"Don't Answer Me" - The Alan Parsons Project:
YouTube - Don't Answer Me - The Alan Parsons Project (1984)
"Memories Of Atlantis" - Gustaf Grefberg
http://stnewworlds.webs.com/Memories_Of_Atlantis.mp3
or something like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIGHCoVzqtk
And for a tease on the scene, have a look at this:
Props to anyone who can identify this set.
Scene coming soon
One of the most painful experiences a writer faces is when the director cuts one of your favorite moments from a scene (or scene from the film.) I’ve had this happen to me many times, and it hurts. However, with the abundance of “deleted scenes” found on most all DVDs today, I can almost always spot the writer’s “favorite” that was cut, and can agree that it did nothing to move the story.
Billy Wilder (one of the all-time great screen writers) would write very long and in-depth scenes, only to chop off the beginnings and ends to leave only the “meat.” This serves to keep the story moving, and leaves the audience working to “fill in the blanks”.
While I hate “cookie cutter” films (ones that follow the formula too exactly) I have to recognize that one part of the formula cannot be ignored. That is the introduction of the central question.
The central question must be asked somewhere between 7 and 12 minutes. Too soon, and the audience has not had time to invest in the characters, and thus will not care about the central question. Too late, and the audience has lost interest. Your central question is not introduced until almost 17 minutes in. While those five minutes may seem trivial, they are not.
This doesn’t require another rewrite. I know you’ve had several already. Most of this can be accomplished by simply moving scenes during the editing process. Shorten the teaser by not exposing Reyf’s involvement.
I know you’re screaming right now, but give me a minute to explain. This change will also prevent “spoon feeding” the audience. In the shuttle, Garret’s discussing Reyf’s odd behavior can serve to reflect the audience’s feelings. If we don’t’ know the relationship between Reyf and Garr, we will enjoy hearing Garret voicing our own thoughts. The background can be exposed as the story progresses through flash-backs and dialog. During the initial communication from Mellis II have Chellik make reference to Reyf needing to overcome his conflict, but don’t tell the audience what that conflict is. 40 minutes in the First Officer hears the conflict for the first time. It would be great if it were our first time as well, but only a taste. Expose more at the 46 minute mark with the conversation with Counselor Troy. These can be “a-ha” moments instead of simply rehashing what we already know. I’m sure you’ve got more back story up your sleeve, just don’t be in too big a rush to let us know. Make us work for it.
Now for the things I LOVED:
The shot in the Mess Hall illuminated only by the shuttle’s spot lights! Wow! Beautifully creepy !
The dynamic camera moves. I’ve always felt that trek has been too static. I love to travel around the scenes with that amount of kinetic energy.
The story itself. It’s fresh and truly reflective of the core concept of Sci-Fi… to explore the human condition. Bravo!
By "the central question," can I assume you're referring to the communication with Mellis II? If so then that's easy to fix--the "corridor walk" scene with Reyf and Falwell can easily be trimmed in length, as can the exchange with Prentice thereafter, along with the comlink exchange itself. And I like your way of rewording things better than what's there now--I can still keep the replay of the surveillance recording, but this way Reyf's stunned reaction and Chellik's cryptic statement "I understand the position this puts you in, but you're the only one who stands a chance at stopping him" and so forth are the only hints we get.
And it's interesting you should mention the exchange in the shuttle and such, hinting to the audience what the problem is without really revealing it until the ready room scene; later rewrites of the script were meant to do exactly this, start slowly filling in the gaps about their history and involvement.
I'm leery of moving the conversation with Troi though, the flow of that plus Garr's nightmare plus the conversation with Prentice are meant to start building towards Reyf's ultimate "Oh ****!" moment: first, when we chat with Troi, we realize that Garr's suddenly acting differently than Reyf remembers, and that part of the reason is he envies Reyf's normal life (but why?); then, we see his nightmare, which can be interpreted any number of ways; and then immediately after that, we find out why Reyf is so loyal to Garr and why Chellik was so concerned earlier.
See what you think of things to come (here there be big spoilers so highlight to see):
After the exchange between Prentice and Erickson down in Garr's lab, we pay a quick visit to the ISS Voyager and see Garr's obvious glee at his successful escape, and then we go down to the cargo bay with him to inspect a machine there.
Then, back to the Fitzgerald we go, where we go down to Data's guest quarters on Deck 16 for Reyf to ask about his progress in figuring out what Garr wants with the stolen equipment. That's when we learn that none of the sixteen thousand plus combinations the android has examined yields a functional device; Reyf then asks the very question some have posed here, about how Garr could've managed to construct an entire starship (with custom-made modifications), a hidden research complex, and a super-advanced android, all by himself, in only five years, and all without attracting attention from seemingly anyone, even in a remote and deserted system. Data offers his theory, and Reyf leaves him to investigate it.
Then, we listen in as Reyf's attempt to warn the Klingon sector commander goes awry (read: short but funny scene with some classic Klingon blustering). Then, down to sickbay, where we learn something important about the android; but before we can really process it, a distress signal comes in from a starship a light-year or so away.
I don't want to go any farther ahead than that, but that gives you a preview into the next twelve minutes anyway. We're only going to get snippets of exposure to Garr himself, an effort to preserve the mystique of his character. And yes, there's a lot more we don't know about Garr's and the android, and how Reyf ties in (shortly after we stumble across the hulk of the dead starship, someone FINALLY gets the idea to run a facial-recognition search to figure out who she is).
At fifty-three minutes, we're only about halfway through the movie and there's plenty of story left to tell. We're going to keep getting hints about the backstory right up until Reyf has his "Eureka!" moment, at which point everything's going to fall into place.
(And if the story so far has a "I think I've read this before" feel to it, revisit the first scene aboard the Fitzgerald as Reyf and Falwell leave the holodeck, and then recall Prentice's line about "a mob of villagers armed with torches and pitchforks")
My guess is that the android is a dud, a decoy or prototype meant to convince reyf that they managed to prevent garr from doing his dastardly deed while hes out and about doing it. Or it has not been "programmed" yet, and when garr broadcasts a secret code or something, the android does something evil or beams away.
Are the male voices for the female characters "fill-in" before the completed project? Just wondering. Although I do admit, back in the old days of theater, men did play women's parts. lol.