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3DStar Trek: Specter of the Past
tnpir4002
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Posts: 1,277Member
YouTube - Specter v9 Pt1
It took forever...and then it took forever again when I rewrote the script...but now, after much time and effort, I'm VERY pleased to announce that I've completed the first ten minutes of Specter, which I now present to you in unbroken form. I humbly ask for critiques of what I've got so far.
Post edited by tnpir4002 on
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I really did not expect it to be as brilliant as it was.
Most impressive
If I had to make a criticism, I would only say that sometimes the voices were a little low, but that's just a minor detail.
Looking forward to seeing more
I never really cared for the voyager credits, but you made that work quite well.
Furthermore: That was a nice touch with the uniforms changing, to help emphasize that it was the future.
The ship animation wasnt so smooth, but again, not a bad job, but if you have some time to work on that, i think it would be worthwhile.
Overall, an excellent job, but its a bit confusing with only your voice
Brilliant made I didn’t expect this to be as god as it was, god story telling and I seems that you have the script worked out nicely.
Isn’t always as easy consider am not from an English speaking country.
Glad you like it! The literary overtones that we're setting up in the Reyf-Falwell exchange will continue throughout the story (there's even a scene near the end when one of the characters comments about the fact that good and evil have reconciled, the hero has returned to his people, victorious once again--and then gets into a conversation with a visiting Counselor Troi about how the best villains are the mysterious ones; the first officer answers that those stories were never believable because there was always some surprise plot twist that gave the villain one last shot at his evil plan; and just then there's a small surge in nadion radiation from somewhere within the ship, but it doesn't last long enough for Data to triangulate; the scene ends with the first officer telling Troi "It's nothing to worry about--really!").
please?
The scene with Reyf and Falwell in the corridors only lasts about another minute, but what's taking so long is the next sequence--the inevitable call to action. It's not a long scene but there's a lot of short lines, so I'm having to go through and do a bunch of them one right after the other.
I'm doing my best though, I promise
You wanted critique so I have a few other questions/suggestions.
Why abandon the "Captain's log"? It gives you an excellent opportunity to establish time, place and who's who. Took me a while to identify the who's who and what's what. You could establish it with a communications officer in the background: "USS Daystrom to runabout Arbitrary. Heave to and prepare to be boarded. Runabout Arbitrary you are entering restricted space and are ordered to stand down. Yadda yadda yadda."
"Runabout Arbitrary this is the (shipyard) Harbor control. You are ordered to... You better listen up fool. Don't you make me bust a cap in your..."
You get the idea.
If they can't get a phaser lock, why not fire a torpedo with a proximity fuse? Even a near miss would... Or they could reverse the polarity of a polaron surge that is fired through the navigational...
And that's some crap-ass tactical officer who can't hit a runabout without a lock. What was his last job: Imperial stormtrooper? (teasing) (Oops, sorry. Plot device. You don't want him caught. Forgot.)
Nice job recreating the Voyager credits, my wife and I have been working our way through the series again. My only issue is, we haven't seen an Intrepid class ship involved in the story yet. Will the story move there? The next shot is of a Galaxy Class Dreadnought, so that's a little confusing. (not a fan of the GCD, so personally I'd like to see a different ship. Smaller ship = more risk to the cast and that = more drama)
Very nice sets, and nice work using more "cartoony" characters rather then trying to push for realism. My only problem is you need to vary your men a little more to better distinguish them from one another. This is why you see so many bizarre hairdos in manga and anime.
I thought the "five years later" fade and the 'silent walk to slap' lasted a little too long.
Wouldn't phaser fire in the corridor get the doctor calling security, ordering the hatch secured, drawing an emergency weapon, or something? Gar overriding the locked door would have been interesting.
I wasn't sure who the doctor was (captan of the Daystrom?), maybe Mr. Gar could enter talking, "Hello Doctor (name), (taunting & more taunting)"
I'll keep watching for more!!
I'm not even listening to you anymore so please save your effort. I'm done dealing with you.
As for the rest, baxart...good feedback!!!
There was no real easy way to start off the story with one, unfortunately, but I did try. I tried with one again at Mellis II, but again, it came off awkwardly no matter how I did it (I wanted that part to be suspenseful). The first opportunity to do it and make it work well was at Deep Space Nine. The easy answer is, anyone you see before we get to DS9 are basically background characters (the guy at Mellis II is introduced as Edward Chellik in the next scene, when he contacts Captain Reyf for help)
This was actually a deliberate plot device, but not just because I didn't want him caught--later on in a crew briefing, it comes out that Garr is an accomplished engineer and that he'd "secretly been upgrading" the shuttle he stole, and what I want the audience to realize at that moment that if he stole the plans for six of Starfleet's most sophisticated starships...
Yes! Look again in the opening sequence, at what's over Garr's shoulder in the runabout cockpit. Couple that with the post above... ;-)
You'll understand why I chose that particular design for the USS Fitzgerald when you see the ISS Voyager, a few scenes in. 8-)
In an alternate version of this scene, the door opens to show bodies littered on the floor outside Chellik's office, implying a phaser fight with security, but I didn't want anyone wondering at what setting Garr had had his phaser, so instead I just wanted to show that Garr had overpowered the guards protecting Chellik's office.
(By the way, this single scene replaces two longer scenes, in which Garr and Chellik are shown to be old friends, and Garr has come to Mellis II openly for help from his boyhood mentor; after Chellik's refusal, Garr visits the station's main lab in the middle of the night, overrides the door lock, and steals the component he needs before fleeing in what's revealed to be a duplicate--built entirely by Garr--of the USS Voyager, one which is much faster and much better-armed than the one we know; it didn't work because Garr came across as too "nice" and not threatening enough, but I wanted audiences to know without a doubt that this is a dangerous man and you don't want him knocking at your door, so this scene is what replaced it)
Great stuff! I know a bunch of this doesn't make sense yet, but most of this is still the "laying groundwork" stuff to introduce the premise and the main characters.
Per homerpalooza's request, I'll post the rest of the corridor scene and the completed part of the following scene sometime tonight. Look for the link in this thread.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAz1beknmmk
This includes the conclusion of the corridor scene and the beginning of the next, where Reyf--while relaxing in his quarters--gets a visit from his first officer and then gets a call from Dr. Chellik at Mellis II.
stop crying every time I post
One thing that really stuck out to me was the commander after talking with the captain got stuck in the door when he left, lol. It was either an artifact of the compression or he was not moved out far enough but it looked like it wasn't an artifact.
I'm not crying. I am however saying, plainly, that I don't like you and I don't like your bad attitude. I am also telling you, politely, that I want you to close your mouth and stop speaking. I find your tone condescending and arrogant and I always have, and I'm sick of it. Until you can show me some respect, I'll thank you to keep your distance from me. Is that clear?
haha and I was hoping no one would catch that
On a related note, when Chellik brings up the surveillance footage of his office, it's supposed to basically replay the scene we saw firsthand from the far angle. Then when Reyf asks "Edward...is that...?" and you hear that funny noise, the footage zooms in and we figure out that it's Garr. The bluescreen shots are where those pieces are going to go, I just haven't had a chance to re-render them from the higher angle yet.
and hey I find you disrespectful too, and you're proving that by not crediting your model makers, remember without them you wouldn't have your animation
the authors who kindly released the models you're using probably spent hundreds of hours combined to make them, the least you could do is say thanks by adding a credit at the end
and like IRML said, it's in the rules
now that business is out of the way, I must say excellent job on the title sequence! I almost thought I was watching Voyager's titles
The end credits sequence at the end of the movie will answer that requirement, but it's simply too much of a hassle to add it at the end of each individual clip, particularly given how much of this is still a work in flux. (Case in point, I'm on my fourth 1701-D model).
But, if it'll make everyone happy:
Scene 1 - Prologue
USS Daystrom/Dawnstar-class: Star Trek Australia (site is gone so no author info unfortunately)
Danube Class Runabout: Star Trek Australia (site is gone so no author info unfortunately)
LCARS Screens (TNG): Adge's LCARs
LCARS Screens (GEN): Jose Ralat
Nemesis Yard: S-Stephen (SFM)
NCC-1701-B/Stargazer/Kyushu/NCC 1701-E: Star Trek Australia (site is gone so no author info unfortunately)
Daystrom Duty Chairs/Helm-Ops Stations/Captain's Chair: SeanR
Combadges/Rank Pips: DTEMachine.Com (bring it back!)
Scene 2 - Specter of the Past
USS Voyager - Sarod (Trekmeshes.ch)
Scene 3 - The Post Mortem
N/A
Scene 4 - Mellis II
Mellis II/The Caretaker's Array - MINE
Star Maps - Jose Ralat
NCC-1701 JJ (Gold Model) - Chikan
Scene 5 - The Next Generation
Deep Space Nine - Elim (Trekmeshes.ch)
USS Fitzgerald/USS Horizon Base Model - Star Trek Horizon Design Team
Starfleet Uniforms - 3DGladiators.Com
Scene 6 - For the Young/Mellis II
TNG Conference Chair - author unknown
VOY Desk Computer - DTEMachine.com
But the best is yet to be seen--I can't wait to show you the next few scenes. Here's a breakdown of the scenes to come:
Scene 7 - Departure
Scene 8 - Beta Reticuli IV
Scene 9 - Caves Pt 1
Scene 10 - Transporter Lock
Scene 11 - The Caves Pt 2/Hidden Lab
Scene 12 - Strange Readings
Scene 13 - Shuttle Mission
Scene 14 - The Hidden Lab Pt 2/A Strange Discovery
Scene 15 - The Starship Chase
Scene 16 - The Medical Report
Scene 17 - Distinguished Guests
Scene 18 - Engineering
Scene 19 - Reyf's Emotions
Scene 20 - Into the Lab
Scene 21 - Sickbay
Scene 22 - The Fairgrieve
Scene 23 - Crew Briefing
Scene 24 - Facial Recognition Search
Scene 25 - Garr's Emotions
Scene 26 - Sensor Records-Core Breach
Scene 27 - Stellar Cartography
Scene 28 - Answers - We're Here
Scene 29 - The Black Hole
Scene 30 - Confrontation
Scene 31 - Heroes and Villains
Scene 32 - One to Beam Over
Scene 33 - "Old Friends"
Scene 34 - First Officer's Log
Scene 35 - A Daring Plan - A Monster Unveiled
Scene 36 - The Post Mortem - The Visitor
Scene 37 - "Nothing to Worry About"
Scene 38 - Mad Once Again
Scene 39 - The Starship Chase
Scene 40 - "The Last of Dr. Braiyon Garr"
Scene 41 - Epilogue
Scene 8 - Beta Reticuli IV: following a trail of bread crumbs, the Fitzgerald enters orbit of a mysterious planet in a remote sector
Scene 9 - Caves Pt 1: Gaius Reyf leads an away team into a system of caves surrounding a mysterious structure below the surface of Beta Reticuli IV
Scene 10 - Transporter Lock: Commander Prentice expresses concern when a strange energy displacement begins to disrupt his transporter lock on the away team
Scene 11 - The Caves Pt 2/Hidden Lab: approaching the mysterious structure leads Gaius Reyf and his away team into the hidden lab belonging to Dr. Braiyon Garr
Scene 12 - Strange Readings: a relief tactical ensign's attention to detail prompts Commander Bradley Prentice to take a shuttlecraft to investigate a strange reading emanating from behind one of the planet's moons
Scene 13 - Shuttle Mission: Commander Bradley Prentice and Operations Chief Lt. Harve Garrett realize that the shadow behind the moon is really a demon in disguise
Scene 14 - The Hidden Lab Pt 2/A Strange Discovery: Reyf and his away team make a strange discovery within Garr's hidden lab--moments before the doctor himself appears
Scene 15 - The Starship Chase: pursuing the mad Dr. Braiyon Garr, Reyf and his officers hurriedly return to the Fitzgerald, setting off in hot pursuit of an impossible starship--but when the escaping Dr. Garr presents Reyf with an impossible choice, the captain must choose between stopping the mad scientist or sacrificing two of his own
Scene 16 - The Medical Report: after recovering the crippled shuttlecraft, Reyf learns that his Operations manager will be under medical care for some time, and a recovered Commander Prentice convinces him the the crew of the Fitzgerald may need help
Scene 17 - Distinguished Guests: joined by the USS Enterprise NCC-1701-E, the Fitzgerald receives two distinguished guests to assist the senior staff with solving the mystery they face
Scene 18 - Engineering: Lieutenant Commander Ronstonm chief engineer, works to unlock the secrets of the mysterious android found in the Beta Reticuli lab
Scene 19 - Reyf's Emotions: Reyf's concerns begin to show, and it doesn't go unnoticed by Commander Prentice, who expresses concern for his captain
Scene 20 - Into the Lab: Commander Prentice leads an away team back into the lab to see if any futher secrets may lie in wait
Scene 21 - Sickbay: Reyf reports to sickbay, to learn that Data and Commander Ronston have made a startling discovery about the android they discovered
Scene 22 - The Fairgrieve: when a Federation starship in a nearby system sends out a distress call, the Fitzgerald races to assist
Scene 23 - Crew Briefing: distraught over the loss of 46 lives aboard the USS Fairgrieve, Reyf begins to show doubts as his crew briefs him on their efforts
Scene 24 - Facial Recognition Search: with his feelings of recognition now too great to ignore, Reyf orders a facial-recognition search to be conducted to determine the identity of the android's human counterpart
Scene 25 - Garr's Emotions: Braiyon Garr mourns the loss of someone once very special to him
Scene 26 - Sensor Records-Core Breach: attempting to uncover why Garr attacked the Fairgrieve, Commander Prentice orders its sensor records downloaded to the Fitzgerald--an innocent act which triggers a warp core breach in the crippled starship
Scene 27 - Stellar Cartography: more determined than ever to find Garr and stop him, Reyf summons Counselor Troi to Stellar Cartography to assist with his investigation--which leads to a startling conclusion
Scene 28 - Answers - We're Here: with the Fitzgerald on an intercept course with Garr's ship, Reyf returns to sickbay to speak with the android he now knows holds all his answers; but all too soon, the Fitzgerald arrives for its appointment with The Devil's Heart
Scene 29 - The Black Hole: unaware that the Fitzgerald is on its way, Braiyon Garr extracts fuel from the event horizon of the deadly black hole
Scene 30 - Confrontation: the Fitzgerald intercepts the ISS Voyager over the black hole, and Reyf calls for his old friend's surrender
Scene 31 - Heroes and Villains: Commander Prentice objects to Reyf beaming aboard the ISS Voyager
Scene 32 - One to Beam Over: after convincing his first officer that not all villains are truly evil, Reyf beams over to the ISS Voyager
Scene 33 - "Old Friends": Reyf faces the evil Dr. Braiyon Garr--alone
Scene 34 - First Officer's Log: four hours after Reyf departs for the ISS Voyager, Commander Prentice notes in his log his growing concerns
Scene 35 - A Daring Plan - A Monster Unveiled: on the ISS Voyager, Reyf struggles to convince Garr to abandon a plan that could spell trouble for countless lives; but in the process may have to abandon his own convictions as well
Scene 36 - The Post Mortem - The Visitor: with Garr safely secured aboard the Fitzgerald, Reyf briefs his officers on the events they've witnessed--but unknown to them, visit to Garr's quarters is about to change everything
Scene 37 - "Nothing to Worry About": with Gaius Reyf on his way to Garr's quarters, Commander Prentice likens their mission to the events in a story, rejecting the notion that Garr poses any further danger
Scene 38 - Mad Once Again: after discovering Garr's quarters empty, Gaius Reyf receives a call from the bridge that the ISS Voyager is taking off; angrily returning to the bridge, Reyf orders his own ship to pursue
Scene 39 - The Starship Chase: as the Fitzgerald chases after the ISS Voyager, a strange temporal field begins to form around the smaller ship; with time running out, Gaius Reyf must make an impossible choice
Scene 40 - "The Last of Dr. Braiyon Garr": grieving the loss of his old friend, Reyf confesses to Data that he doesn't believe his old friend is really dead
Scene 41 - Epilogue: with history preserved and Dr. Garr gone, Gaius Reyf sets a course back to Bajor to resume the shore leave that was interrupted, not noticing a mysterious crewman who just stepped into the turbolift
THE END
The basic NCC-1701-D was generously provided to me by the design team at Star Trek Horizon in exchange for complete access to my TNG interiors; the phaser cannon, "air conditioner" torpedo launcher behind the bridge, nacelle fins, disrupter cannons and third engine pylon were all done by me (although the third warp engine was just theirs copied and pasted).
Personally, i can see the hassle that putting credits on each scene would be, but for work such as this with the volume of models used it really is unavoidable.
On another note, star trek austrailia is not gone. the url startrekaustralia.com might be, but the site itself is now on STAR TREK AUSTRALIA.com: The Un-official AUSTRALIAN Star Trek Site
Great work and I hope to see it continue :thumb:
Try this one instead:
YouTube - Specter v9 Pt2
It took six hours but I uploaded the original AVI instead and it looks REMARKABLE.
Another quick clip up, this one's just a music test for the Fitzgerald launch sequence. This one's still really rough--the bridge background plate is missing for an entire shot, and the editing of the footage of the ship and station is still for the DS9 Title Theme.
But...I started to wonder if a mix of music from Enterprise might not do a better job here. Give this clip a onceover and see what you think, would you?
My BIGGEST critique: For the test animations, get a woman to voice the women- its a necessity, imo. Try and get a couple more people to contribute the test voices if you can, it would make it a lot easier to follow.
I agree that you need background noise(ie "Shuttle XYZ, drop your shieilds and prepare to be boarded" etc), it helps to sell the scene to the audience (there was a lot of that in the new trek movie, and it worked quite well)
Also some background comm chatter in the corridor scenes (ex: Security personall report to docking stations, security personnel, report to docking stations)
try and get a female voice for that if you can.
All in all, great job, but i cant help wondering: I thought starfleet would have gotten rid of BSOD!!!
@Solarie: Sorry, just messing with you
Amazingly enough I don't have the STXI soundtrack yet--and I have to admit I wasn't really paying attention when the Enterprise left spacedock in the film, would that piece work better here as the "first flight" theme?
As for DS9 interior shots...I'm afraid not
You know what I think? I think you just want to appear in the credits
I couldn't agree more, and that's one of the biggest challenges--finding voice talent that's suiteable for the various characters. I've already got one in mind for the Daystrom captain, as well as for Dr. Falwell, but the cast list is big and I want to get a variety if I can.
Truth be told that thought never even occurred to me, but now that you mention it you're exactly right, it would add a bit of depth to the scenes. To tell you the truth I started to add some background people to the corridor tracking shot since the 1701-D always seemed to have that, but I skipped it since everyone's supposed to be on leave; it may be worth adding anyway just because (although there's a later corridor scene when Reyf is getting ready to beam to Voyager, he and Prentice talk in the corridor for a good few minutes).
And for TEST anims, you dont need any serious talent, just someone who can read into the mic. For the female test vocals, get a women to read. When you get your final voice actors together, yes, its all got to be clean and shiny, but until then, CHEAT!
as for background chatter, baxart said it first, im just rehashing :devil:
and add some people walking around the ship, but make it obviously sparse if everyone is on shore leave at DS9. Have a quick scene where a recorded voice says something like "Attention all Fitzgerald personnel, shore leave has been canceled, please report to your duty stations. Attention all Fitzgerald personnel, shore leave has been canceled, please report to your duty stations." or include it as background when the captain gets on the bridge, or anything really, just adds to it, IMO.
Well, i cant say i particularly enjoy that cadet uniform, but if you want i can see if i can dig up the PSD's for you, i dont usually throw those originals away. theyre prob on my old computer tho. And honestly, i dont care about credits, i just want to see this done already!!!