Put together some opening credits to get my juices flowing for the movie with my kids
The first pages of the script too. I imagine in all it will be about 15 - 20 minutes long:
Marooned
by
Steven South
EXT. OPENING CREDITS NIGHT
DISSOLVE TO:
Vast Star field, Cargo ship drifts into foreground and travels to the background.
Title sequence begins:
Dissolve to: Distant view of planet, Ship moves from distance to foreground
Dissolve to: Close-up of moon, Ship begins its descent into the atmosphere.
Dissolve to: ground level of moon, space port is in the distance. Cargo ship rumbles into view over head, and moves off toward the space port
GROUND CONTROL
(VO heard through static on radio)
Good to see you, Hercules 0301. We were wondering if you were going to make it.
SHIP CREWMAN
(VO)
Yeah, Yeah, we know, we're running late. We're going to have to make it a "dump and jump", let's see how quickly we can turn this heap around.
GROUND CONTROL
(VO heard through static on radio)
Understood, set her down on pad five, a crew is waiting, should have you out of here by morning.
EXT. SHIP - MODEL NIGHT
FADE IN:
Wide shot of freighter sitting on pad of space port
RIAN
(VO)
Remind me again why this is so awesome and important?
EXT. ACCESS RAMP OF SHIP NIGHT
CUT TO:
Crouched behind a stack of crates are Essence, Rian, and Colin. In the near distance is the access ramp for the ship.
COLIN
(Rian looks over crate, Colin is looking at a hand held tablet)
It's so important because this is the freighter that was used to start this colony. Our parents were on that ship when they were our age. This is history, like Instructor said.
RIAN
(looking back at Colin and Essence)
That much I got, but why do we need to sneak onboard?
COLIN
(looks up from the tablet at Rian and Essence)
If you're nervous about this, why did you say yes?
ESSENCE
My brother said yes because he's bored. I said yes because I'm trying to keep him out of trouble.
COLIN
(looking back at tablet)
Well your not doing a great a job of that. Hold it, It looks clear, lets go!
The three move out from behind the crates and run for the steps that lead up into the ship.
ESSENCE
(grabs Colin's arm as they reach the foot of the stairs)
Colin! Just tell me it's not going to take off while we're onboard...
EXT. SHIP - MODEL NIGHT
CUT TO:
Long shot of freighter, it rumbles and exhaust shoots from the engines, lifting it slowly from the pad.
INT. SHIP'S HOLD NIGHT
FADE IN:
The hold of the ship is dimly lit, the ship is shaking and rattling, tossing the three kids around
ESSENCE
(very angry and worried)
You promised.. I swear if we don't die, I'm going to kill you!
RIAN
(angry)
We're, we're going to kill you!
COLIN
(looking franticly at his tablet)
I don't know what's going on, they weren't supposed to leave for another three days!
Okay, the first thing I noticed is that you're overdirecting your actors AND you're doing it in the parentheticals. So instead of:
ESSENCE (Rushes over to where Colin is)
Colin! Rian, help me get it off him.
It should read:
Essence darts over to Colin's side.
ESSENCE
Colin, Rian! Help me get this thing off him!
And let the dialogue inform the actors how they should be behaving. Let them find the scene and define their business.
And don't use "to be," the ship isn't dark, a single weak light pierces through the darkened interior of the ship.
I know I'm focusing on the minor stuff but that's because I'm reading it off my screen and not off my Kindle on the porch like I should be. I will, though.
Lemme show you some pages of a sci-fi project I was playing with once upon a time. There's sort of an "Explorers" thing going on with it which is why I haven't continued it.
I know I'm focusing on the minor stuff but that's because I'm reading it off my screen and not off my Kindle on the porch like I should be. I will, though.
Lemme show you some pages of a sci-fi project I was playing with once upon a time. There's sort of an "Explorers" thing going on with it which is why I haven't continued it.
Loved the interaction between the characters, have you done anything else? You didn't like "Explorers?" or was it just too close?
It's actually a bit of both, my story was a little too similar with the kids finding a spaceship and all, but also I didn't like the final act of Explorers either, with the funny rubber aliens who are also kids (Joe Dante even admits they didn't even get to finish the movie). So this was me throwing out ideas on how *I* would do it, so naturally Hunter's an aspie and his family doesn't know how to deal with that yet and his best friend sort of resents having to take care of him and the "aliens" are actually long-dead...
You know, I hope you don't mind but I took a crack at your script yesterday.
I don't have kids so I'm channeling that into your project, I'm so hoping you do publicity shots and a "making of" feature, burn a DVD and save it in every file format you can find so that these kids can still play it fifteen-twenty years in the future. My sister and I did a Star Trek movie when we were 12 and the VHS won't copy to DVD for some reason, but I remember her watching it a few years ago and being astonished by how "saavy" we were.
Here's the script re-touch. You may want to redo the dialogue to fit the kids' cadence and attitude (as any good writer should) but here it is, I hope you like it.
I don't have kids so I'm channeling that into your project, I'm so hoping you do publicity shots and a "making of" feature, burn a DVD and save it in every file format you can find so that these kids can still play it fifteen-twenty years in the future. My sister and I did a Star Trek movie when we were 12 and the VHS won't copy to DVD for some reason, but I remember her watching it a few years ago and being astonished by how "saavy" we were.
Here's the script re-touch. You may want to redo the dialogue to fit the kids' cadence and attitude (as any good writer should) but here it is, I hope you like it.
Not sure where your located, but I know of some stores or on-line that do VHS to DVD transfers, that would certainly be a keeper.
I really like what you did with your treatment. Some of the stuff won't fly with the kids, but as you said, it's best to write to each actors strengths. Colin is 13/14, Rian is 15 and Essence is 17 going on 30... I was about my youngest's age when I saw Star Wars (over and over again) and fell in love with movies, wrote a few short scripts back then, but never filmed them, I hope my kids catch the bug.
I had finished a second draft, but if you don't mind, I think I may scrap that, and work from your interpretation. You have earned yourself a place in the credits my friend. (If you don't mind I may just leave the credit as you wrote it on the cover... I think it hilarious!)
My kids are home-schooled and I am making this one of their school projects. I am going to have them do the whole works, Including promotional and distribution materials. Keep an eye out for your copy when it's done.
I'm quite proud of that credit (I was inspired by "Mucked About By Terry Pratchett" on the Discworld miniseries). I wouldn't have done it or shared it if I wasn't fine with you taking it, go right ahead.
I have my VHS-DVD player still, I've been meaning to get inputs so I can put video from different sources into my computer so I can have stuff as video file instead of direct copy discs... and ideally one day I'll have time and software to go through that stuff and finally file it properly.
nice final shot, good choice of a somewhat unusual composition. from the shape your spaceport is clearly designed with more function in mind than the one they're building for the virgin galactic "shuttles". i'm sure i've seen those engine nozzles on another f your models but once again i like them.
... i'm sure i've seen those engine nozzles on another f your models but once again i like them.
I'm a firm believer in not reinventing the wheel ( or nozzle) if something is cool looking. I will probably make small modifications, but if the design works, go with it! (the ultimate in kit bashing!)
That is seriously cool looking. :thumb:
I still love your bridge interior. Never gets old. One of these days I have to come up with crew seating that is as cool looking as yours. It is also the layered look to the bridge that I like. All the different levels really add a depth to it.
Posts
The first pages of the script too. I imagine in all it will be about 15 - 20 minutes long:
by
Steven South
EXT. OPENING CREDITS NIGHT
DISSOLVE TO:
Vast Star field, Cargo ship drifts into foreground and travels to the background.
Title sequence begins:
Dissolve to: Distant view of planet, Ship moves from distance to foreground
Dissolve to: Close-up of moon, Ship begins its descent into the atmosphere.
Dissolve to: ground level of moon, space port is in the distance. Cargo ship rumbles into view over head, and moves off toward the space port
(VO heard through static on radio)
Good to see you, Hercules 0301. We were wondering if you were going to make it.
SHIP CREWMAN
(VO)
Yeah, Yeah, we know, we're running late. We're going to have to make it a "dump and jump", let's see how quickly we can turn this heap around.
GROUND CONTROL
(VO heard through static on radio)
Understood, set her down on pad five, a crew is waiting, should have you out of here by morning.
FADE IN:
Wide shot of freighter sitting on pad of space port
(VO)
Remind me again why this is so awesome and important?
EXT. ACCESS RAMP OF SHIP NIGHT
CUT TO:
Crouched behind a stack of crates are Essence, Rian, and Colin. In the near distance is the access ramp for the ship.
(Rian looks over crate, Colin is looking at a hand held tablet)
It's so important because this is the freighter that was used to start this colony. Our parents were on that ship when they were our age. This is history, like Instructor said.
RIAN
(looking back at Colin and Essence)
That much I got, but why do we need to sneak onboard?
COLIN
(looks up from the tablet at Rian and Essence)
If you're nervous about this, why did you say yes?
ESSENCE
My brother said yes because he's bored. I said yes because I'm trying to keep him out of trouble.
COLIN
(looking back at tablet)
Well your not doing a great a job of that. Hold it, It looks clear, lets go!
The three move out from behind the crates and run for the steps that lead up into the ship.
(grabs Colin's arm as they reach the foot of the stairs)
Colin! Just tell me it's not going to take off while we're onboard...
CUT TO:
Long shot of freighter, it rumbles and exhaust shoots from the engines, lifting it slowly from the pad.
INT. SHIP'S HOLD NIGHT
FADE IN:
The hold of the ship is dimly lit, the ship is shaking and rattling, tossing the three kids around
(very angry and worried)
You promised.. I swear if we don't die, I'm going to kill you!
RIAN
(angry)
We're, we're going to kill you!
COLIN
(looking franticly at his tablet)
I don't know what's going on, they weren't supposed to leave for another three days!
But sadly my GPU just went belly-up While I was doing these, so I'm not going to be able to use Octane..
Steve
- removed -
ESSENCE (Rushes over to where Colin is)
Colin! Rian, help me get it off him.
It should read:
Essence darts over to Colin's side.
ESSENCE
Colin, Rian! Help me get this thing off him!
And let the dialogue inform the actors how they should be behaving. Let them find the scene and define their business.
And don't use "to be," the ship isn't dark, a single weak light pierces through the darkened interior of the ship.
I know I'm focusing on the minor stuff but that's because I'm reading it off my screen and not off my Kindle on the porch like I should be. I will, though.
Lemme show you some pages of a sci-fi project I was playing with once upon a time. There's sort of an "Explorers" thing going on with it which is why I haven't continued it.
Understand, good point thanks.
"to be" ?? not sure I understand, explain.
Loved the interaction between the characters, have you done anything else? You didn't like "Explorers?" or was it just too close?
You know, I hope you don't mind but I took a crack at your script yesterday.
I also did not like the end of Explorers seemed kind of a let-down.
Here's the script re-touch. You may want to redo the dialogue to fit the kids' cadence and attitude (as any good writer should) but here it is, I hope you like it.
Not sure where your located, but I know of some stores or on-line that do VHS to DVD transfers, that would certainly be a keeper.
I really like what you did with your treatment. Some of the stuff won't fly with the kids, but as you said, it's best to write to each actors strengths. Colin is 13/14, Rian is 15 and Essence is 17 going on 30... I was about my youngest's age when I saw Star Wars (over and over again) and fell in love with movies, wrote a few short scripts back then, but never filmed them, I hope my kids catch the bug.
I had finished a second draft, but if you don't mind, I think I may scrap that, and work from your interpretation. You have earned yourself a place in the credits my friend. (If you don't mind I may just leave the credit as you wrote it on the cover... I think it hilarious!)
My kids are home-schooled and I am making this one of their school projects. I am going to have them do the whole works, Including promotional and distribution materials. Keep an eye out for your copy when it's done.
I have my VHS-DVD player still, I've been meaning to get inputs so I can put video from different sources into my computer so I can have stuff as video file instead of direct copy discs... and ideally one day I'll have time and software to go through that stuff and finally file it properly.
[video]
Steve
[video=youtube_share;8Jron89g2j0]
[video=youtube_share;guCeSzeGcEc]
Steve
Done with Kerk and an HDRI spherical background.
enjoy!
Steve
I'm a firm believer in not reinventing the wheel ( or nozzle) if something is cool looking. I will probably make small modifications, but if the design works, go with it! (the ultimate in kit bashing!)
Steve
Here's one I've dubbed "Alien Wars" a ship with parts from both universes:
Steve
I still love your bridge interior. Never gets old. One of these days I have to come up with crew seating that is as cool looking as yours. It is also the layered look to the bridge that I like. All the different levels really add a depth to it.